It’s one of the most frustrating moments in parenting – asking your child to do something and feeling completely ignored.
When a child doesn’t listen, it’s easy to repeat yourself, raise your voice, or jump straight to consequences. But often, the issue isn’t defiance…it’s disconnection, overwhelm, or competing attention.
The goal is not just compliance. The goal is cooperation.
What not to say
- How many times do I have to tell you?
- Why are you ignoring me?
- You never listen.
- If you don’t listen right now, you’re going to be in trouble.
These phrases often increase resistance and frustration on both sides.
What to say instead
- I need your attention – can you look at me for a second?
- Let’s pause and reset. I want to make sure you heard me.
- What did you hear me ask you to do?
- Let’s do this together.
- I’m going to help you get started.
Why this works
Children are far more likely to respond when they feel connected and clearly understand what’s being asked of them. Getting on their level, making eye contact, and checking for understanding reduces power struggles and increases cooperation.
Try this
Before repeating yourself, pause and reconnect. Move closer, get their attention, and speak calmly. Small shifts in approach can turn a repeated battle into a moment of cooperation.